with your love denied me i feel bereft
with your love around me i am complete
lying here patiently waiting for wakening
lying here trying to make a part of us meet

good morning is the start i long to hear
a gentle touch from you i yearn for
joining of voice, body, heart and soul
will make me whole, it's you i adore

to have ended up where we are now
both of us hurting to the depth of our bones
proud and stubborn neither surrender
instead of together we remain alone

music

creation of music
playing with notes
all around me
night and day
surrounding
enveloping
uplifting
maddening
smiling
caverns and summits
troughs and peaks

one eye wandering
separate drives
whilst one caves in
the other thrives
no balance perceived
between the parts
but
the whole is greater than the sum
and believed
in totally

today

keep it in
for fear of what?
shut me out
what have i got?

put me down
push me away
cut me up
day by day

animosity i feel emanating from you
insides are empty and tears burst forth
how could i really be so bad
enough to make me feel this sad

i must just love you far too much
to feel this numb, no voice, no touch

was not born a victim, and will not be
although the martyr i can see
in you whenever you wish to maim
those around you with excellent aim

please come back, and talk and share
this silence is more than i can bear

confused

what affords you the right
to write what you like
for the world to see
but not me

creative licence
enabled to express feelings
done with dour notes strung together
to share the abyss to which you have sunk

and when you come out
of the strange dark place
you don't need me to hear
or share the new piece

it hurts - so much
and you really don't know
perhaps i should bear
my soul to you
do you care

the love is bare
and only just there
unfulfilling, no sense of me
and what i might like
going through the motions
have you a notion
of how i feel lost and full of emotion
after?

...

so sad, so low
nowhere to go
but up
been here before
lying on the floor

feel used and suppressed
abused and oppressed

lured to a place
with a false face

unable to share
won't dare
to trust

don't want secrets
want to sleep
mind to stop ticking

crispy

do you know?
what you mean to me?
you are my whole
i was wanting to meet
the other half that makes me complete

when you're not here
there's part of me missing
like touch without feeling

light with no colour
sun with no warmth
music with no sound

i don't want imagine how my life would be
if you weren't here, inside of me

bleak, dreary, dismal and dim
full of discord and mad mayhem

with you i feel peace inside
overwhelming, sublime love resides

enrichment of senses

thank you for being part of my life
i honour and cherish your soul
and am wholly grateful for making me whole

clever play on`words these are not,
and never for show
just so you know how i feel right now

fun

let's kick crunchy leaves
all around the park
and do lots of other daft things
until the sky gets dark

i want to spin on the roundabout
and watch the clouds skidding by
until my head falls off
and floats into the sky

touching the birds with your toes
sailing so high on the swings
frosty wind in my hair and nose
is one of the pleasantest things

i want to swirl and twirl
til i can see no more
and fall laughing and happy and dizzy
on to the soggy floor

lets do skipping and cat's cradle
leapfrog and hopscotch too
a full day of fun and games
just for me and you

no more work just for today
stay and play with me a while
blow out our adult's cobwebs
and bring on our child's smile

dew fairy

there's a secret part of the garden
where nobody knows, just me
early morning i go there
with no-one else to see

my toes are wet with all the dew
as i gently dance amongst the grass
and marvel at the sky's colours
sun rising as i thank my lucky stars

no people, no elves, no pixies,
my special place where nobody knows
not very big, but neither am i
shush, don't tell anyone i go

it's special because it's quiet
and i can be quite alone
enjoy the dew and sun and rain
and totally feel at home

my toes and wings get very wet
but i really don't mind at all
all my senses are alive
i really cannot fall

even wet wings are able to fly
when sounds i hear nearby

touch the petals of daisies
taste the dew and rain
hear the rabbits frolicking
watch the sun again
and
smell the freshness of another brand new day

a medley of childhood memories

recurring dreams of a little girl in school clothes
driving dad's car but wearing no shoes

my nan and me with steaming iron
allowed for the first time, the aroma lasts
a miner's lamp on the wall to signify her past
sadness in dad's early morning eyes
table of many colours over the years
dancing in swimsuit in welcome summer rain
from the bridge, the steam rising
on the hill, 50 pence rolling
gooseberry bushes - avoiding the prickles
lots of laughter and plenty of tickles
over the garages down to the shops
making a rockery and a pond for frogs
around and around on the witches hat
cycling up and down tracks, through the trees
hiding behind the baths, sneaky cigarettes
being grounded for wanting to wear plimsolls for fun
lying by the river, in daffodils and sun
blue eyeshadow applied by sharon's mum





then came the loss
and it came again and again
a feeling to never go away
a hole inside that never mended
or ended
smaller than it was, context put in place
but it came when so young and so small
it will never leave now matter how tall
i think i am
it taints and tints all that i think and feel
its there still

precious snippets of a little remembered days

inadequacy

simplistic words strung together
equate to nothing much
streaks of colour on a canvas
left untouched
unpainted glass gleaming
waiting for streaming colour
mundane tasks undone
context, proportion and percentages gone
chill, relax, rest - i'm told
complexity of emotions and thoughts
leaves me cold

incomplete

consideration of consequences

eepest thoughts that shouldn't be shared
but kept as secrets locked away in the recess
of the furthest corners of your mind
bind them tight girl, so they can't unwind

keep that searing pain buried out of sight
bringing it out into the light
causes others to hurt and see you
in a way that you don't want them to

never mind the intention
doesnt matter whether with malice or just to unburden
forethought was needed and went unattended
consideration of consequences should always be taken
thoughts of the effects that the unburdening may have
on the person you didn't take into account
when sharing the vileness inside your head

it was gruesome and gory but not meant to be wounding
words on paper to help the healing
the words were little compared to the feeling

but i should've thought, and stayed sober to boot
instead of trying to share with you
have learnt now, that just like you do
i will keep darkest emotions to myself too.



now, can i let it go?

a place to be free

Somewhere I can let my thoughts roam freely,
voice my opinions
vent my feelings
without fear of recrimination
or judgement
or ridicule